Last week, my heart went out to the relative (my mother's cousin) whose children took their time coming home that at one point she, teary-eyed, thought that they weren't coming back at all. And, she worried that the food that she had cooked in anticipation of the anak cucu's homecoming would go to waste. Then there was the physically and mentally-challenged cousin of my mother who waited by the door on his wheelchair wondering if anyone would visit at all since his mother had passed away just before Ramadhan. There was also a friend and her husband who spent hari raya in Switzerland, not with their aging parents and family because, according to her, "my parents understand". I wonder.
I was mindful of my mother's reminder - that we should make it a point to visit older siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the like during hari raya. We might be too busy at other times, she said, but there was no excuse during hari raya. In my younger days, I never gave it much thought; but now that I am in the ranks of the senior citizens, this ziarah-menziarah tradition has assumed a greater significance and a meaning well beyond a mere show of respect for the elders and the older.
So, I was more than elated when during hari raya, I had my fair share of visitors. My cousins and second cousins came, with their husbands and children in tow. I had not seen some of them in years and was grateful for the chance to re-connect. My husband's family - his siblings and their children and children-in law - also spent a day with us, as they do every year on third hari raya day. I, in turn, did my share of courtesy calls - from my eldest brother, to my eldest sister-in-law, my husband's uncle, my aunt and other older relatives around Ipoh. This is one tradition that I am keen to uphold, because, as warranted in Islam, it emphasises the familial bonds, and provides an opportunity to bury the hatchet (if any). It underlines the importance of the salam. During hari raya the gesture extends beyond a mere handshake to incorporate 'forgive and forget', and usher in a new chapter in the relationship.
What then is to be said of siblings who did not visit their older ones? Of children who prefer an overseas holiday instead of balik kampung? Some list friends on their 'must visit' agenda, and relegate family to the 'kalau sempat', or not at all. What of relationships taken for granted, and feelings ignored? Would I, should I, be like some parents who tolerated the conduct of sons who never spend hari raya day with them but chose instead to return to their in-laws or elsewhere year after year so as not to offend their wives? Because the parents never complained, the sons and daughters-in-law never knew the meaning of compromise. So, they hurt in silence. What of daughters/sons-in-law who feel that fidelity and allegiance is only due to their side of the family and not their husbands'/wives'?
How much does it matter that hari raya is a time to seek and give forgiveness, to cast aside past grievances so as to resume relationships on a clean slate? Isn't it a time to be charitable - not just with money, but more so with feelings?
I pray that I would not lose sight of traditions such as this; and that my children would uphold it as best they can - not for the food and the fanfare, but for the true spirit of Eid-ul-fitri.
To those who visited me - I thank you again for coming and for showing me you care.
I was mindful of my mother's reminder - that we should make it a point to visit older siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the like during hari raya. We might be too busy at other times, she said, but there was no excuse during hari raya. In my younger days, I never gave it much thought; but now that I am in the ranks of the senior citizens, this ziarah-menziarah tradition has assumed a greater significance and a meaning well beyond a mere show of respect for the elders and the older.
So, I was more than elated when during hari raya, I had my fair share of visitors. My cousins and second cousins came, with their husbands and children in tow. I had not seen some of them in years and was grateful for the chance to re-connect. My husband's family - his siblings and their children and children-in law - also spent a day with us, as they do every year on third hari raya day. I, in turn, did my share of courtesy calls - from my eldest brother, to my eldest sister-in-law, my husband's uncle, my aunt and other older relatives around Ipoh. This is one tradition that I am keen to uphold, because, as warranted in Islam, it emphasises the familial bonds, and provides an opportunity to bury the hatchet (if any). It underlines the importance of the salam. During hari raya the gesture extends beyond a mere handshake to incorporate 'forgive and forget', and usher in a new chapter in the relationship.
What then is to be said of siblings who did not visit their older ones? Of children who prefer an overseas holiday instead of balik kampung? Some list friends on their 'must visit' agenda, and relegate family to the 'kalau sempat', or not at all. What of relationships taken for granted, and feelings ignored? Would I, should I, be like some parents who tolerated the conduct of sons who never spend hari raya day with them but chose instead to return to their in-laws or elsewhere year after year so as not to offend their wives? Because the parents never complained, the sons and daughters-in-law never knew the meaning of compromise. So, they hurt in silence. What of daughters/sons-in-law who feel that fidelity and allegiance is only due to their side of the family and not their husbands'/wives'?
How much does it matter that hari raya is a time to seek and give forgiveness, to cast aside past grievances so as to resume relationships on a clean slate? Isn't it a time to be charitable - not just with money, but more so with feelings?
I pray that I would not lose sight of traditions such as this; and that my children would uphold it as best they can - not for the food and the fanfare, but for the true spirit of Eid-ul-fitri.
To those who visited me - I thank you again for coming and for showing me you care.
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