Whenever we are in KL for longer than a day trip, my husband and I would stay with our yet-unmarried children in their 3-room condo in Damansara Perdana and upset their sleeping arrangement come bed time. My daughter would have to give up her room - the master-bedroom - for us and sleep in her eldest brother's room, while the latter would have to cart his pillows and blanket to sleep in the sitting-room on a spare mattress. My other son gets to keep his status quo. And so it has been for the last three years.
Which has given me more than a passing glimpse of my children's goings and comings. All three are working adults - young, foot-loose and fancy free, as yet untethered by marital responsibilities. They leave the apartment before 7.30am every morning on a working day, and don't return till after 9pm or later on most evenings. When they do, they only have sleep on their mind. As they get caught up in their working lives, I fear that they are losing touch with one another. Even before they have a family of their own.
I had tried to nurture a closeness among them from the time that they were children and in their teens when we did a lot of things together as a family. The weekend trips, the holidays, and the eating and playing together times. In the mid-90s, we formed our own bowling team that I named 'Family Matters'. We used to (and still do occasionally) have regular family 'meetings' to discuss something that was either important, or significant in our life, and to drive home the importance of communicating among ourselves, to listen and be listened to. I had hoped that this would pave the way for them to communicate, to confide in and support one another in times of need, especially when we parents have departed the earth.
It worries me that they are not interacting enough with one another, that they are living together but each is really on his/her own. They hardly sit down together for a meal. Even when we are in town, it is increasingly difficult to get the five of us together for dinner. Have they succumbed to the daily grind of their job leaving no time and energy for anything else? Is the pursuit of money and career an overriding concern? I know they have to earn their living; there are bills to pay, but I wonder if 'time-management and prioritizing' is not a problem here.
Which has given me more than a passing glimpse of my children's goings and comings. All three are working adults - young, foot-loose and fancy free, as yet untethered by marital responsibilities. They leave the apartment before 7.30am every morning on a working day, and don't return till after 9pm or later on most evenings. When they do, they only have sleep on their mind. As they get caught up in their working lives, I fear that they are losing touch with one another. Even before they have a family of their own.
I had tried to nurture a closeness among them from the time that they were children and in their teens when we did a lot of things together as a family. The weekend trips, the holidays, and the eating and playing together times. In the mid-90s, we formed our own bowling team that I named 'Family Matters'. We used to (and still do occasionally) have regular family 'meetings' to discuss something that was either important, or significant in our life, and to drive home the importance of communicating among ourselves, to listen and be listened to. I had hoped that this would pave the way for them to communicate, to confide in and support one another in times of need, especially when we parents have departed the earth.
It worries me that they are not interacting enough with one another, that they are living together but each is really on his/her own. They hardly sit down together for a meal. Even when we are in town, it is increasingly difficult to get the five of us together for dinner. Have they succumbed to the daily grind of their job leaving no time and energy for anything else? Is the pursuit of money and career an overriding concern? I know they have to earn their living; there are bills to pay, but I wonder if 'time-management and prioritizing' is not a problem here.
Though they are young and yet to be in the prime of their lives, I fear that they may have allowed the rut to set in - the mistake of being indifferent. All relationships are fragile; sibling relationship is no different. The natural bond needs nurturing to remain strong and impervious to outside influence. Have they become too self-absorbed? Or don't they care enough about one another? If this is so, where did I go wrong?
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