These past couple of weeks I have attended quite a few weddings and the last was on Sunday 16th August. The venue had been as varied as the invitation cards and the themes of the decorations; they were either the parents' house, school auditorium, multi-purpose halls, clubs, or hotels. It seems also that you never really know who would actually turn up on the day. Despite the reply cards issued with the invitation, and the phone numbers printed on the card, there is bound to be the errant few who don't bother to indicate their attendance or otherwise. Not knowing the exact number that would come on the day can mean wastage for the hosts who I bet have enough to worry about. For this and the social obligation, my husband insists that we honour every invitation as far as humanly possible!
The best thing about having a wedding in the house is that guests could take their time to leave. Especially the relatives and close friends. In the absence of formality, every one could mingle about freely, chit-chat with everybody and anybody they want to, and then leave as and when they choose. All well and good if you have the space for the tents, the catering staff, etc. Often the road frontage and the neighbour's house would provide that much-needed extra space - provided the neighbours are accommodating! But, if held during the day, the afternoon sun can be off-putting; trying to appear cool and composed under the strain of the heat (or the kebaya) can be challenging. It can make you "hilang gaya" - so said a friend!
If the wedding was held at a hotel or some rented venue, there is the time and space constraint too. Once the bridal couple takes their place at the door, it is the cue for guests to leave - which means very little chance to mingle and catch up. The sit-down dinner affair with the speeches, video shows and sometimes some form of entertainment thrown in lends the occasion added formality. What with most guests (the women, I mean) dressed to the nines - beaded, sequined, silk-ed, satin-ed and bejewelled!
The current trend in the city is to engage a wedding planner - as has been practised in the West for decades - and who is fast becoming a status symbol. You could leave virtually everything in their hands - if you can afford the fee. The ones who have touted themselves to be consultants to the rich and famous would cost an arm and a leg to put up the pelamin, hantaran, the themed decorations and what-have-you. Then there are those who claim to be purveyors of good taste, but are a far cry from one. Whoever it is, this form of delegation doesn't come cheap. Some friends who have used their services said it is not money well-spent. The result is not always satisfactory and up to your expectations. It could have easily been done by a group of willing aunts and cousins with the inclination for such aesthetics - at a fraction of the cost. Except you don't get the prestige, of course.
The catering aside, there is the cost of the pelamin which I'm told can run into the thousands, the wedding trousseau (no bride has just one dress these days), which can cost a small fortune, the obligatory bunga telor and the wedding cake. Currently, it is seldom a bunga telur in its conventional form, but run the gamut of trinket boxes in silver, ceramic, silk or crystal, miniature glass cups, etc.etc. Not to mention the contents. It might be an assortment of sweets, a couple of chocolates, a piece of baulu, fruit cake, muffin or the now ubiquitous cupcake. What will they think of next?
Have you also noticed that many have been tripping off to neighbouring countries to get their cards made, the trinket boxes, the lace material and other decorative stuff? And here I am thinking that there is an exodus of shops selling these kind of merchandise in our country! Do the supposedly cheaper prices 'abroad' really justify our spending there at the expense of our own traders? Does this explain invitation cards that have become thicker and fancier? Never mind that they are going to be binned anyway. Price can't be the only consideration surely? Seriously I have seen items that are not worth the trip because of their shoddy workmanship. Some are downright tacky.
While we are spoilt for choice - and at the end of the day, it is a matter of personal choice as dictated by the size of the parents' pocket - it is easy to get carried away in our effort to be different, to keep up with the Joneses or simply to flaunt our wealth. And all for just one day, or not even that.
The best thing about having a wedding in the house is that guests could take their time to leave. Especially the relatives and close friends. In the absence of formality, every one could mingle about freely, chit-chat with everybody and anybody they want to, and then leave as and when they choose. All well and good if you have the space for the tents, the catering staff, etc. Often the road frontage and the neighbour's house would provide that much-needed extra space - provided the neighbours are accommodating! But, if held during the day, the afternoon sun can be off-putting; trying to appear cool and composed under the strain of the heat (or the kebaya) can be challenging. It can make you "hilang gaya" - so said a friend!
If the wedding was held at a hotel or some rented venue, there is the time and space constraint too. Once the bridal couple takes their place at the door, it is the cue for guests to leave - which means very little chance to mingle and catch up. The sit-down dinner affair with the speeches, video shows and sometimes some form of entertainment thrown in lends the occasion added formality. What with most guests (the women, I mean) dressed to the nines - beaded, sequined, silk-ed, satin-ed and bejewelled!
The current trend in the city is to engage a wedding planner - as has been practised in the West for decades - and who is fast becoming a status symbol. You could leave virtually everything in their hands - if you can afford the fee. The ones who have touted themselves to be consultants to the rich and famous would cost an arm and a leg to put up the pelamin, hantaran, the themed decorations and what-have-you. Then there are those who claim to be purveyors of good taste, but are a far cry from one. Whoever it is, this form of delegation doesn't come cheap. Some friends who have used their services said it is not money well-spent. The result is not always satisfactory and up to your expectations. It could have easily been done by a group of willing aunts and cousins with the inclination for such aesthetics - at a fraction of the cost. Except you don't get the prestige, of course.
The catering aside, there is the cost of the pelamin which I'm told can run into the thousands, the wedding trousseau (no bride has just one dress these days), which can cost a small fortune, the obligatory bunga telor and the wedding cake. Currently, it is seldom a bunga telur in its conventional form, but run the gamut of trinket boxes in silver, ceramic, silk or crystal, miniature glass cups, etc.etc. Not to mention the contents. It might be an assortment of sweets, a couple of chocolates, a piece of baulu, fruit cake, muffin or the now ubiquitous cupcake. What will they think of next?
Have you also noticed that many have been tripping off to neighbouring countries to get their cards made, the trinket boxes, the lace material and other decorative stuff? And here I am thinking that there is an exodus of shops selling these kind of merchandise in our country! Do the supposedly cheaper prices 'abroad' really justify our spending there at the expense of our own traders? Does this explain invitation cards that have become thicker and fancier? Never mind that they are going to be binned anyway. Price can't be the only consideration surely? Seriously I have seen items that are not worth the trip because of their shoddy workmanship. Some are downright tacky.
While we are spoilt for choice - and at the end of the day, it is a matter of personal choice as dictated by the size of the parents' pocket - it is easy to get carried away in our effort to be different, to keep up with the Joneses or simply to flaunt our wealth. And all for just one day, or not even that.
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2 comments:
dear MM,
and don't forget -- they hire photo specialists now. the photos are not the run-of-the-mill pix.. these days, they have 'em in black-and-white to give that creative touch.
they sure don't do weddings like they used to!
Hello Mayang, I love your stylish eloquence. You write very well. Outstanding.
And I fully agree with you re spending money on whatever for weddings.
A friend of mine, her father spent Rgt 90,000 for a 125 table wedding dinner.
Two years down the road, one small baby, marriage went on the rocks.
Habis cherita!
I rather take the cash, maybe a couple of tables, for family and friends, then chabut off for honeymoon....
You have a nice day, and keep a song in your heart.
Lee.
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